Thursday, October 2, 2014

Oliver ~ 20 Weeks

September 15, 2014 ~

This is such a strange post for me. 

Usually at this point in my pregnancy I am excited and looking toward the second half of my time growing the baby and keeping it safe. But this time is different. This time the halfway mark is a sad milestone for me. It marks a point of uncertainty and fear. Another milestone passed and we still have no idea what will happen to the little person growing inside of me. 

This time our baby is sick. We don't know how sick or what the outcome will be and only time and doctors appointments will be able to answer any of our questions. I am so sad. Sad that I don't know what to do or how all of this will play out. Sad that Sydney and Henry may never meet this sibling. 

I am also scared. Scared of what the next few weeks will bring and how they will dictate the path that our family will be traveling on. I am scared of our first specialist appointments tomorrow. Of the conversations we will have with the genetic counselor and the amniocentesis that I will have to endure. I am scared of what they will tell us and the questions that are sure to follow from those around us. I am terrified of the looks of pity and sadness that we are sure to get from people and I hate the idea of a million people asking me if I am ok.... I'm not. I am scared of the decisions that we will have to make for our family. I am just scared. 

This is easily the most difficult "half way through my pregnancy" update I have ever given and one of the most difficult moments of my life. I am tired, scared and sad. 

Mrs. E

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