September 20, 2014 ~
I am so extremely sad these days.
I know that if I get out and start doing normal things with the kids I will feel better..... but I just have no energy to do it. I know that what we are going through brings this type of sadness, but it is almost crushing when you experience it for the first time. It is like there is a giant sumo wrestler sitting on my chest and I can't breathe. I feel heavy and tired and so discouraged. It is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.
After Sydney was born I experienced some pretty rough postpartum anxiety. As the night came closer I struggled to stay calm and all of my parenting fears would start rising like a giant wave threatening to take me out. I knew what it was and I was always able to talk myself through it or confide in David and have him help me. This time it's different.
There is nothing you can do with sadness but experience it. It is part of the grieving process and I know that.... but I also can't wait for it to be over. I can't wait to be back to myself.
Mrs. E
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